20 Red Flags So Subtle, You Might Not Even Notice Them

While everyone makes mistakes and has flaws, there’s a clear line that should never be crossed because you might be looking at someone who is just a ‘red flag.’

A Redditor asked, “What’s a dead giveaway that someone is not a good person?”

This got thousands of replies, but we have selected the top 20 common indicators for you.

1. Accountability

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Someone shared, “Never taking accountability for anything.”

Another added, “It should be noted that these people sometimes attempt to find a loophole around this by taking responsibility for things that aren’t actually flaws, or conversely by making exaggerated and insincere gestures of taking responsibility in a ploy to elicit sympathy (“Clearly I’m the worst person in the world and everything is my fault!”).

But taking specific responsibility for something bad without trying to mitigate it by saying how it wasn’t really that bad, or that it was actually someone else’s fault… yeah, if someone is incapable of ever doing this, they’re likely a narcissistic a**h**e.”

We all mess up. It’s part of being human. But when you refuse to own up to your mistakes, you deny yourself the chance to grow and become a better person!

2. Talking Behind Backs

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Talking behind someone’s back may seem harmless or even entertaining at the moment, but it’s bad for our relationships.

A user commented, “Always talking stuff about other people when they aren’t around.”

Another said, “I work with a guy who’s closing in on 70 years old. Easily 90% of the conversation I’ve had with him over the years is talking about (really over the top, too)everyone that isn’t me, and he’s quite friendly to me, especially if he needs something. I can’t remember if I overheard him, or if someone told me, but I know for sure he talks about me the same way when I’m not there.

So now, every once in a while, I’ll just sharply divert whatever we’re talking about and flatly ask him how many times he called me a {expletives}/etc before I was in range of hearing. Turns into a wilted petunia. I don’t understand how people like this make it so far in life.”

3. Public vs. Private

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Someone said, “I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs. how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.”

Another added, “I’ve been having this issue with a “friend”. Nice one on one, will help out when he can, but absolutely trashes me in front of others, especially women.”

Acting differently in public and private is like slamming the door on personal growth!

4. Making a Big Deal

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When you make every little thing a big deal, you’re always ready to react to the slightest inconvenience. But here’s the thing: life is filled with ups and downs, and not everything deserves the same level of attention!

A Redditor wrote, “People who are always trying to manipulate a situation from the smallest things to the bigger issues. It is exhausting to be around them.”

Another replied, “I once had a friend like this. They’d call all the time and complain on and on about every bad thing from the driver who cut them off to a fight they had with their boyfriend. She always was the “poor victim” every time. I eventually cut her off for other reasons, but it was amazing having my time back from those exhausting phone calls. Absolutely worth it.”

5. Status

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A person shared, “How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc., like c**p, is just telling the world how much of a piece they are.

Someone else responded, “As a truck driver, I get looked down upon by some. Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me because of how much I get paid. I don’t have a college degree, and I make a decent chunk of change. I feel like I made a good decision, and nobody is going to take that from me.

When it does bother me is when I’m accused of being stupid. I get the whole thought process of why we were looked down on. I don’t, however, get why some think we’re all stupid. The trucking industry has just as many idiots as any other industry, but we aren’t defined by them. The reason they’re so obvious, as opposed to other industries, is because they’re driving huge trucks.”

When we treat people differently based on their status or jobs, it becomes difficult to have good connections with them.

6. Jealousy

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We all know that feeling of jealousy creeps in when someone else achieves success or possesses something we desire. But here’s the thing: jealousy is a self-defeating emotion that does more harm than good.

Someone wrote, “When they cannot bring themselves to celebrate someone else’s success.”

Another shared their experience: “I had a friend like this. She was nice and seemed to like me. Took me quite some time to figure out the odd thing that was missing in our relationship. She couldn’t be happy for me. Not even a little ‘Yeah, good for you!’ or something like that. Just radio silence. We split ways.”

7. No Apology

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One said, “They never apologize.”

Another commented, “Or their apology is them just listing out problems about other people. The classic “I’m sorry that you have a problem with my actions” instead of “I’m sorry I did something wrong.””

Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and respect, so a genuine apology is occasionally necessary!

8. Bragging

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Constantly highlighting your achievements can make others feel inferior, and they may distance themselves from you.

This user wrote, “If they brag about how they pulled a fast one on other people. As if to say how smart/slick they are and everyone else is stupid.”

Another agreed, “Yea, I have a family member who is an officer, and he likes to brag about all the free stuff he gets, money he gets by abusing the overtime system, and other nonsense he acquires through abuse of his authority. He thinks it makes him this cool guy, and I find it so disappointing that he’s the one protecting the streets.”

9. Gossip

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Someone shared, “I’ve always held that if someone gossips TO you, then they’ll most surely gossip ABOUT you to others. Also, if someone tells you something that they were told in confidence, then you absolutely cannot trust them to keep anything you tell them to themselves, even if asked to. Big red flags.”

This user shared a classic tip, “”Be careful who you vent to. Vents can lead to other rooms.” Not sure where I saw or read it, but damn, is it ever true.”

Instead of tearing others down, we can uplift and support them!

10. The Jokes

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We all love a good laugh, and humor can bring people together. But sometimes, this can cross a line and end up hurting others.

A user said, “They constantly say or do things where their only justification for doing so is “It was just a joke” when called out on it.”

Another commented, “Ah yes, the Shrödinger’s d**chebag- they decide if the offensive or rude thing they say is a joke based on the audience’s response.”

11. Boundaries

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A person wrote, “When you express a boundary, they try to guilt trip you, pressure you or threaten you to try and force you to do things you don’t want to do.”

Another responded, “Or just flat out ignore. Have a roommate who’s been doing that (on top of other things). She’ll be evicted soon, though.”

When we disregard boundaries, we say, “Hey, we don’t care about how you feel or what you want.” Ouch! But here’s the thing: empathy is the secret sauce to respecting boundaries!

12. No Compassion

Skeptical brunette woman looking at camera
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Life is not just about seeing others as background characters in our life stories; it’s about genuinely understanding and feeling what they’re going through.

Someone said, “A complete lack of compassion unless it’s about themselves. Putting people down for fun. Never accepting responsibility for bad behavior. Everything is always about them. Everything. Even if you’re going through something difficult, suddenly, they’ve been through the same thing, but worse. Even when they’re being “generous,” it’s for public display and not from a genuine place. Sulking and throwing a fit to get their way.”

13. Treating Animals

Woman playing with her dog and toy in autumn park
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A person commented, “Treats animals poorly.”

Another user replied, “Friend’s ex-boyfriend used to harass and abuse her dog. A stray foot every now and then as an excuse as to why he knocked the dog off her feet, squeezing her paws so hard that she would cry, pointing a gun and shoving it in her face like he was going to hit her with it.

It wasn’t too big of a surprise that he ended up being verbally and a bit physically abusive to my friend before she broke it off.”

Another wrote, “I think this is the biggest indicator I’ve seen to be true about bad people. They have no empathy towards animals.”

14. Littering

Team of young volunteers picking up litter in the park.
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A Redditor said, “Throwing trash out of a car window, littering.”

Someone commented, “This happened to me at a red light yesterday. Heard something clunk against my car. Fast food box stuffed with trash thrown out of the passenger side by the driver. Just chucked it against my car while stopped. I was furious, yelled, and honked; she ignored me while grooving to music on her headphones. I hate people sometimes.”

Remember, we’re all in this together. Littering isn’t just someone else’s problem; it affects us all.

15. Yelling

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A user said, “Someone who yells at you for crying.”

Another added, “Or in a milder way, tell you to “stop complaining” when you vent to them, but expect you to listen to their venting when they do.”

Someone else expressed, “Then adds, “I’ll give you something to cry about if you don’t stop!””

First things first: crying is a natural and healthy expression of emotions. It helps us to let go of any built-up feelings, so yelling at someone, especially for crying, is like punishing them for being a human being. Ridiculous, right?

16. Stealing

Man in white shirt holding money box
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Ever heard of karma? It’s like the universe’s way of balancing things out. So, when you steal, you’re collecting up some bad karma points. And when it comes to stealing, it surely makes the person look awful.

A person shared, “They steal from you.”

Another user commented, “There’s nothing worse than a thief.”

Another agreed and said, “This is a red flag 100%.”

17. Gaslighting

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Gaslighting is like a sneaky mind game in which someone manipulates your perception of reality. And yes, it’s messed up and confusing to go through.

Someone wrote, “If they are willing to gaslight you. I have memory problems due to MS, and when someone is willing to bend your reality, there is a huge moral issue happening.”

Another user replied, “Wow, very specific situation and extremely cruel. I can see why you would feel someone is morally corrupt. I hope there are enough good people around you to help filter that out.”

18. Liars

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A Redditor mentioned, “Actions and words not matching.”

Another wrote, “No matter how good their intentions, if they keep messing up, it’ll harm you a lot in the long run, but I’m sure the comment isn’t about this. The comment above yours is about people who are hypocrites or maybe liars.”

One tiny lie has a funny way of multiplying and breeding more lies. It’s like a never-ending cycle of deception that can spiral out of control quicker than a forest fire!

19. Justifications

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You know those people who can’t help but constantly remind you how great they are? It’s like they’re running a non-stop self-promotion campaign. But here’s the thing: genuinely good people don’t need to shout it from the rooftops. Their actions speak for themselves!

Someone said, “When a person needs to explain to you in a conversation that they are actually a good person.”

Another user replied, “I’ve had this conversation with my daughter. If you have to justify someone’s bad behavior and try to explain they’re really a good person…. they’re really not.”

20. Physical Abuse

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Physical abuse is like crossing a line that should never be crossed. It’s an invasion of another person’s physical and emotional well-being, leaving scars that may never heal.

A user commented, “They beat up their spouse.”

Another also added, “But of course, no one believes the spouse cause they are the sweetest, most caring person otherwise.”

There is simply no justification for causing harm, so we need to draw a clear line and make it known that physical abuse is absolutely off-limits!

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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.