Our society still has this whole “manly man” image stuck in its head. You know, that rugged, emotionless guy who’s always got to be tough. This results in men not being allowed to feel anything other than anger or excitement. But come on, men are human too!
One Redditor asked, “What is the worst aspect of being a man in 2023?” Now, this thread received thousands of comments, and we have listed the top 20 for you!
1. The Financial Struggle
A discerning Reddit user commented, “Man, as a father trying not to let my family feel the financial stress of the past couple of years. Working more hours, starting a side business, and feeling like I’m barely getting by while not missing these years with my 5 and 2-year-old. Hopefully, things continue to mellow out this year, but I feel for every dad out there knowing inflation has taken a toll in one way or another affecting the way we were able to provide.”
Another added, “I feel like this is such a big challenge that men in the traditional provider role face. Work extra/harder so that you can provide a good life for your family, but then get s*** on for not being around enough for the kids or helping enough at home. It would be hard to balance.”
Everything’s getting more expensive than that fancy avocado toast the internet loves to bash. Rent? Sky-high. Groceries? Pricey. Gas? Don’t even get us started. And the responsibility to earn is on the man’s shoulder!
2. Spending Time With Family
We’re living in this hyper-fast world where everything’s go, go, go! Work, side hustles, social media – they’re all fighting for our attention. And in the midst of all this, we find ourselves unable to maintain healthy relationships with our families.
Someone shared, “I honestly have no idea how my dad did it. Probably because he is naturally a workaholic. I was told a story of when I was 4 or so and my dad was working super long hours often out of town, and he came home one night. I asked my mom, “Who is that?” He quit that job within 2 weeks and found another job in town because that crushed him.”
Another replied, “The traditional mindset of men being the provider being in conflict with me wanting to be around my children more than my father was with me is such a battle internally. It feels like you have to choose one or the other, and whatever you choose makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough.”
3. Social Isolation
Someone on Reddit said, “Social isolation if you’re not really extroverted.”
Another person agreed to it and said, “I am an extremely social and extroverted guy (all my friends say so, not me) but I feel extremely isolated…. and nobody really cares about it.
Most of the topics I end up sharing are shallow because and everybody tries to drift away from deep topics, and I have a really hard time finding somebody that would just listen to how I feel, my frustrations, and what makes me sad.”
The thing is, we need to break down these barriers and start having real conversations. We need to create spaces where men can open up without judgment. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.
4. Lack of Support
Our society has been making some progress in breaking down old-school stereotypes, but we’ve still got a long way to go. Yeah, there are some support systems out there, but a lot of the time, guys feel like they have to put on this tough front and pretend everything’s cool!
Someone commented, “And even if you are social, conversations with other guys usually center around surface-level subjects like sports, work, etc. Bring up the fact you’ve been really unhappy lately and you’re almost certain to get weird looks rather than support.”
Another person shared similar thoughts and mentioned, “Lucky enough to have a few really good male friends where this isn’t the case. However, it was pretty eye-opening to realize that the majority of “friends” are basically drinking buddies and simply people to do something with.”
5. Not Opening Up
One Redditor shared, “My ex’s coworker killed himself about a year ago. They were close and often talked on the phone and hung out outside of work a few times. He knew something was up with him, but the dude wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t open up. It’s really sad that he had so many people around him that would have supported him, but he didn’t feel like he could lean on them.”
Another added, “I’m worried about that situation myself. I have one close friend who desperately needs support tbh but completely refuses to open up because they think it ain’t “manly”. Getting professional help is “weak”. That kinda stuff. it’s ingrained in his psyche. he’s to the point of talking about ending things, a lot lately, but won’t go into detail why. I’ve watched his life fall apart for the past year and there ain’t a d**n thing I can do about it. I can’t get him committed. last time he was, they ab*sed the f*** out of him in there.”
And it’s not just society, oh no. Sometimes, even our own friends don’t make it any easier. We’re afraid that if we open up, they’ll think we’re weak or that we can’t handle our own stuff.
6. When Past Effects Your Present
Past traumas can make us build these impenetrable walls around our hearts. We’ve been hurt before, and we’re terrified of letting someone get close enough to hurt us again!
Someone on Reddit said, “My childhood messed me up, and I had no idea how messed up I was. Now I’m 25 and don’t have close relationships with anyone and don’t know where to turn.”
Another replied, “Same here, bro. I’m 28 and just messed up the best relationship I’ve ever had because of unresolved trauma, and attempting to deal with it “like a man”.”
7. Sharing Your Thoughts
The world has gotten this weird idea that men should be all strong and stoic, like some emotionless statues. It’s like they aren’t allowed to have feelings or opinions like they aren’t humans too.
A discerning Reddit user commented, “It’s really hard to find support. It feels like no matter what you do, it’s wrong. Talk about thoughts and insecurities? You’re either not a real man or burdening someone with emotional labor. Keep it to yourself? You need to be more open. Ask for advice? This is something you should have figured out by now. Go at it alone? Why won’t you let anyone help you?”
Another responded, “It’s all crazy, man; sometimes I’m just sitting here filled with all sorts of thoughts and feelings that I wish I could just share with someone, but immediately you start sharing, then you are weak for even showing 0.1% emotion, suck it up and be a man, maybe I should be a man until I just give in to those crazy thoughts.”
8. Dating Apps
Someone commented, “Dating has largely switched over to dating apps in recent years over traditional methods of meeting. Unfortunately, due to how many men there are on them vs. women, these apps do not favor most men.”
Another person agreed to it and said, “Seriously, I met my wife on a dating app years ago, and it blew my mind how many guys messaged her (north of 100) whereas me, I messaged a lot of women and maybe got less than 20 replies, some of them even bots I believe. I could only imagine the problem got worse in time.”
Here’s the thing, with so many guys on dating apps, it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. It’s like being a tiny fish in a huge ocean!
9. Venting
Men often worry that people will see them as weak or not man enough if they show any vulnerability. So, they keep everything bottled up inside. Sounds tragic, right?
One said, “As a single man in his 30s, no one gives an absolute f*** about me. Which is fine, but sometimes I wish I had someone to vent to.”
Someone else replied, “Then when you unalive yourself, people will lie and say they tried to be there for you.”
Another Redditor wrote, “90% of the reason I regularly go to therapy is just to vent about stuff. It’s great.”
10. The Job Struggle
The job market is like a battleground. There are so many of us vying for the same positions that if you don’t have a diverse family background or don’t belong to the LGBTQIA++ community, your chances of landing a stable job are pretty thin!
Someone shared, “I saw a job posting the other day that said, (and I swear I’m not making this up) “For this role, we are particularly interested in hearing from women, poc’s, Asian Americans, people from indigenous backgrounds, and members of the LBGTQIA+ community.” It was for a mortgage adviser role in a bank.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that diversity and inclusivity is a great thing. You learn more about life and about people by association with others with different and varied life experiences. Learning new things and knowing more about people is always good, But that job outlier smacked of “we want to see literally anyone except straight white guys” 😅🤷♂️”
Another added, “THIS. There is zero support for us because society legitimately believes we don’t need it or that we have all this amazing privilege, so no need to check in on us.”
11. Leaning on People
One shared, “As a man, I know I can’t lean on people or have them listen to me/have them in my corner.”
Another replied, “This is exactly how I feel. Every time I talk to a girl, she seems to have so many friends in her life that she can lean on. Oh the other hand, me as a guy, I have like one or two SUPER close friends that I can talk to but whenever something seems to upset me or make me sad around anyone else they expect me to just get over it. I don’t know if I’m just saying this because I’m a man, but I feel like it’s a double standard.”
But you know what? We’re human, and we can’t do it all on our own. It’s okay to ask for a hand when we need it!
12. Complaining
Someone on Reddit said, “You’re raised to believe it’s ALL on you. Succeed or fail. And many MANY men silently walk around feeling like their existence is inherently a burden. No one wants them. And they have to work hard their whole lives to earn the privilege of affection, love, and care. But don’t dare complain about it because no one cares to hear it. And that’s just you being a burden.”
Another responded, “Especially the complaining bit. Complain about dating? You’re an incel. Complain about work? Go back to school and try harder. Like everything that has happened to you is your fault, so don’t complain, just fix it or shut up”
Do you think men don’t complain because they are afraid of being seen as whiners or weaklings?
13. Domestic Violence Victims
There’s this messed-up stereotype that men can’t be victims of domestic violence. When they try to speak up about it, people don’t believe them or brush it off.
Someone commented, “If you are a victim of domestic violence, people won’t take it seriously. Many people still believe a man can’t be a domestic violence victim.
Another person shared similar thoughts and mentioned, “My ex-wife was verbally and physically ab*sive. She was arrested once. I had her kicked out of the house another time. She lies and says I was the aggressor, and the court is just kind of like “welp, he said, she said.” My family and close friends believe me, at least.”
14. Male R*pe
A discerning Reddit user commented, “Prison r*pe jokes are still mainstream. It’s still publicly acceptable to make jokes about men being violently r*ped while trapped for years with their r*pist, often in the same cell. For years. It’s considered socially acceptable to make such jokes to their faces, and they’re somehow the ones out of line if they punch you in the face for it.”
Another person agreed to it and said, “About 20 years ago, I was at a large party at a friend’s house, and I passed out drunk on a chair at like 1 in the morning. Some high-class girl thought it would be funny to pull my pants down and f*** me in front of a lot of people. Didn’t even wake me up. Luckily before camera phones were common. I still get a random person from time to time say,” Hey remember when the girl r*ped you hahahahaha””
Here’s the truth: R*pe doesn’t care about gender, and it can happen to anyone, men included.
15. Playing All the Roles
Sometimes, it feels like men are living two different lives. In one, they are working to climb the career ladder, and in the other, they’re trying to be the best partners and dads they can be.
Someone shared, “I feel like we’re a bit in a gray area where society is transitioning. The old way was the man was the provider, was a protector of the family, opened doors for women, etc. Now we’re in a modern society, and traditional roles are changing. As a man, I feel like I’m still expected to do a lot of the traditional things and also do the more modern things.
For example, as a husband in my household, I’m still expected to be the provider, do the home repairs, take out the trash, etc., and I’m also expected to do the more modern things like help clean the house, help with the kids, etc. I don’t mind either, but I feel like I’m expected to fulfill both traditional and modern roles.”
Another replied, “Society puts too much pressure on everyone. I think it’s somewhat of a perversion in the name of “equality”. We should all be equal to do what we want, but I don’t think that means we all have to do everything.”
16. Being Good With Kids
Someone on Reddit said, “being seen as weird, creepy, or less of a man for being good with kids. I have been good with kids my whole life; in grade 8, I helped out with the special needs kids and had a huge group of little ones who wanted to hang out with me at recess and sit together on the bus.
Little kids often speak to me when I am out walking, and I will talk to them back (parents are there), and I am planning on doing an internship thing in a school and going to university to be a teacher, but sadly, as a guy I won’t be seen the same as if I were a girl.”
Another added, “I totally get this. I got called some nasty stuff at a previous job working with kids cuz I showed compassion and affection towards the kids. I did it cuz I actually cared for em and was only trying to help them. But since I’m a guy, so many people think I’m trying to do disgusting stuff, when it’s the total opposite. But if it’s a woman, that’s “okay.””
Why are men seen as predators and unlikeable when they are good with kids or like being around kids?
17. Mansplaining
Mansplaining is when a guy, usually with good intentions, starts explaining something to someone, usually a woman, in a condescending way. Like, he thinks he knows it all, and she knows nothing!
Someone commented, “Ugh, I hate how mansplaining became such a trend to tear apart. And now it’s mislabeled and ab*sed. Some people genuinely love something and want to just talk about it. I get the feeling some people use mansplaining to get back at others when they know more than they do.”
Another responded, “One thing that is difficult for me is that I’m an expert in my field, but my field is traditionally dominated by females. I’m an educator. When we have meetings, and we discuss the philosophy of education or new policies, or changes in the curriculum, I always bite my tongue.
I have a master’s degree in curriculum design and implementation, and at a curriculum meeting when we were asked for our input, I had thoughts about the particular topic. So I expanded on those thoughts in front of the group, as did others. Afterward, the presenter told me that what I had done was mansplaining.
I asked how it was different than the others in the room, who were all female, and did the same thing, and that was appropriate, but mine was not? I was told that I have to be careful because, as a man explaining something in depth could be considered inappropriate. I know that the presenter was off her mark. But now, every time I have a thought or comment that I want to contribute, I keep it to myself.”
Another person shared similar thoughts and mentioned, “I have ADHD and tend to overexplain EVERYTHING to anyone whose ear is nearby. It’s not because I question another’s knowledge or experience; it stems from my immense interest in the topic. So my brain dumps have been interpreted as mansplaining on occasion. I try to be sensitive to it, as impact is more important than intent.”
18. Unfaithful Partners
Someone shared, “After being a victim of an affair and having 3 children, being treated as though you did it and then being threatened with losing you’re children though you’ve done nothing wrong just because of the county you live in and you’re a man.”
Another person agreed to it and said, “I have had the exact same experience. Somehow it feels like it is/was my fault. She got a lot of support; I got abandoned by the ones I thought that I could rely on. Stay strong.”
Another responded, “Similar thing happened to me. Wife asked for a divorce, and I found out she was on Tinder and talking to other people. I posted what happened to me on another Reddit account, and the replies were mostly “it was your fault”, “you should have been better,” and absolutely no support whatsoever.”
Don’t you think it’s unfair when a man gets treated this way even when he isn’t at fault?
19. Assault
One shared, “I was verbally ab*sed by my ex in HS +into college. She accused me of {intimate} assa*lt, amongst many things. I am extremely soft and kind. People who knew me lost their cool because I am basically Robin William’s level of kindness. People who didn’t f*****blame me.”
Another added, “Absolutely this. I’ve been lambasted for making a woman slightly uncomfortable by hitting on her. But when I get physically and {intimate} assa*lted, repeatedly, people don’t give a f***.”
It’s time to break free from these outdated beliefs because nobody seems to take male victims seriously, and it’s infuriating. We need to create a world where male victims are taken seriously and given the support they deserve!
20. The ‘Man-Up’ Dialogue
You’d think in this day and age; we’d be beyond these outdated expectations of what it means to be a man. But nope, “man up” is still thrown around like men are supposed to be these emotionless robots, always tough and never vulnerable!
A discerning Reddit user commented, “It really isn’t that big of a deal, but it’s even something my wife is guilty of. We are pretty good about splitting everything for our kids, house, etc., 50/50, but every now and again, my wife will say something like, “C’mon babe, I need you to be the daddy and do this for me”.
Basically, that in many regards in life, I am expected to be the man and be daddy, but if I were to say something like this to my wife, she would say something like, “I’m not a SAHM”.”
Another replied, “Sometimes my wife would tell me to man up. But imagine the double standard of her reaction if I were to say woman up, be more nurturing, be more physically affectionate, quit being so neurotic. No, she would probably either raise her voice or shut down and pass out on the couch. I took my lumps like a man, and I d**n sure didn’t dish any out.”
We live in a world of change and progress, but this ‘manning-up’ always bites us in the back!
Read More:
- 10 Warning Signs Your Man Is Really a Man-Child
- 20 Craziest, Yet Still Legal, Things in Many Countries
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
