Why do I feel guilty when I spend money?
Many people constantly feel guilty when they spend money. They feel guilty about their spending habits.
Sometimes this happens when they overspend or spoil themselves; they feel guilty for days. Sometimes, it’s when they spend on basic necessities.
Sometimes, this guilt can be a useful cue that you are living beyond your means or using your money in ways that do not serve your best interests.
At other times, guilt, anxiety, and regret can reflect distorted thinking or unfounded fears.
Why Do I Feel Guilty About Spending Money?
Let’s explore what might be behind your guilt about spending money.
Once you understand your feelings of guilt and how money affects your mental health, you can start making changes to develop a healthy money mindset.
Fear of Financial Instability
One of the main drivers of financial guilt is pure fear.
Maybe you grew up with very little money, know what it’s like not to know if you can pay rent or get groceries, and don’t want to be in that position ever again.
Maybe you grew up quite affluent, and anything less feels like you’re one step away from destitution.
Most of us grew up somewhere in between.
Whether you’re motivated by childhood experiences or your current financial situation, it’s worth examining the source of your fear.
Are you meeting your financial responsibilities and on track to achieve your financial goals?
If so, your guilt over spending money may be more emotional than logical, reflecting your emotions rather than your financial wellness.
Lack of Financial Plan
Are you falling short in debt repayment, running up credit card balances you can’t pay off, struggling with impulse purchases, or saving little or nothing of your income? In that case, your fear of financial instability reflects your reality, but fear is not as strong a motivator as realism.
Shame and a lack of planning put you in a reactive mode and are not strong motivators to change your spending habits or make a long-term financial plan.
Pressure To Meet Societal Expectations
It may come from friends and family, colleagues, or even loose acquaintances on social media, but the pressure to meet societal expectations causes a lot of guilt around money.
If your college classmate just bought a house and you’re still saving for a down payment with no prospect of home ownership in sight, it can be easy to feel guilty for every penny you spend that isn’t going toward that goal.
Comparison to your peers won’t get you closer to your goals. If you get to your goals later than some of your friends, it’s not the end of the world – just keep taking steady steps toward what you want in life.
Concerns About Wasting Money on Non-Essential Items
It’s healthy to distinguish between needs and wants.
Consistently treating wants as if they’re necessities is a surefire path toward buyer’s remorse and credit card debt for most of us. But always denying yourself the occasional non-essential purchase is unhealthy, too.
A little fun money can help you enjoy life. The key to financial wellness is determining what you can afford to spend on fun and little luxuries in addition to necessities.
Add some discretionary money to your monthly budget. If you plan for both wants and needs, it may help you feel less guilty.
If you check your budget and see that a dinner out or that new dress is within the budget you’ve set yourself, it’s easier to avoid feeling guilty. After all, you planned for it, and it fits within your financial goals!
Comparison With Others’ Financial Habits
If you know family or friends who never seem to spend a penny more than they need to, it can be easy to feel guilty about anything you spend that isn’t on rent or groceries.
It’s easy to feel like a spendthrift if you get takeout once or twice a week and sometimes rely on frozen food if your parents only cook from scratch at home.
But it’s sometimes easier to see others’ results than it is to see their circumstances.
If you work fifty or sixty hours a week and have a small kitchen, cooking from scratch at home will be harder for you than it is for a friend or relative who’s retired or working part-time with a chest freezer for leftovers in the garage.
Focus On Your Needs
It’s also worth keeping in mind that your best friend or your successful uncle may not let you see their entire situation.
Do you tell everyone everything about your financial situation or bad habits?
If you put your best foot forward and gloss over the bad things, it’s likely that the people to whom you’re comparing yourself do as well.
When you build a budget, focus on your needs, circumstances, and goals, not what others are doing.
It can be great to look to others for inspiration and good ideas, but if those ideas don’t work for you, you can cultivate other good habits!
Internalized Beliefs About Money and Worth
We live in a society where many people base their self-worth on their salary, savings, or real estate holdings.
While it’s great to be proud of your accomplishments, if you’re not quite where you want to be financially, it can be easy to feel guilty for any money you spend.
If you asked your friends and family what they value about you, they’re probably going to say your thoughtfulness or sense of humor, not your bank account!
Ironically, guilt and shame around money can make it harder for you to meet your financial goals!
Focusing on them at the expense of plans can be counterproductive.
Realistic planning starts from where you are, not where you think a better person would be in your position.
If your mental health is being affected by a sense that your self-worth is too tied up in your finances, consider seeing a therapist to work through this!
How To Stop Feeling Guilty About Spending Money
We’ve discussed the reasons we may feel guilty about spending money.
Whether the guilt reflects deep emotional wounds, our actual financial situation, or societal pressures, it may be keeping us from achieving our goals and living a healthy, balanced life!
But how can you start spending money guilt-free and responsibly?
5 Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty About Spending Money
Create a Budget and Stick To It
You may feel guilty about spending money because you feel out of control. The first step to feeling – and being – in control of your finances is making a budget.
The second is making sure you stick to it. Before you put something on a credit card, be sure you have a plan to pay it off!
If an expense does not fit into your budget, don’t just add it – see what you can adjust to reconcile your budget! Before you make a financial decision, you can check whether it fits in your budget or not.
Not only does this keep you from spending money you can’t afford, but it may also help you feel less guilty about spending money that is accounted for in your budget. Essentially, you’re permitting yourself to spend reasonably.
Prioritize Needs Over Wants
One of the most effective ways to feel less guilty about spending money is to clearly distinguish between needs and wants and to prioritize spending on needs. Account for your needs in your budget and acknowledge them as such. There’s no reason to feel guilty for essential spending!
For wants, even if they fit into your budget, it can be helpful to institute a 24-hour waiting period.
If you see something you want that is not a need, wait for a day and see if you still want to spend the money. This is a great way to limit impulse buying and alleviate guilt!
Allocate a Portion of Your Budget for Discretionary Spending
Even if needs should be your priority, wants should be included in your budget, too! The key to appropriate discretionary spending budgets is determining how much of your income you can afford while still meeting your expenses and saving goals.
Permit yourself to spend on wants rather than needs as long as you stay within this budget!
Recognize the Value of Enjoying Life and Experiences
Money is not just for necessary expenses; it is also for savings and investments. It is also for enjoyment!
If you can afford it, it’s not a waste to spend money on a trip, take a class on a topic that’s always fascinated you, have a meal out, or buy something to make your living space nicer.
As long as you’re working within your budget, it’s good to spend your money on things that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Deciding which of these wants to prioritize is also important. Make sure that you’re spending on the things you want, not just what your friends are posting about on social media or what you’re told you should want.
Focus on Financial Goals and Long-Term Financial Well-Being
Your long-term financial goals are important!
Saving for retirement or a house, raising the capital you need to start a business, and investing in your kids’ education are all crucial priorities.
Work these long-term goals into your budget, and if you have to choose between these and discretionary spending, prioritize your long-term financial well-being.
But if you’re meeting these long-term goals and covering your necessary expenses, remind yourself that you don’t need to feel guilty about other spending.
