A Reddit user shared a story about how she got into trouble with her family after telling her cousin that she would never be her aunt’s real child.
The OP is planning on wedding her fiancé, and they have been dating for two years. They are both aged 23 years old, but her fiancé has two kids from a previous relationship. He is also stable since he runs a business and owns the house they live in. The OP is studying sonography.
Plans for Adoption
They plan on having the OP adopt the two children at some point in the future, and the kids’ mother, who lives in another state, has no issue with that. They also plan on eloping together soon.
Now, this is where the problem started …
The OP met with her cousin at a family gathering a couple of years back, and they talked a lot since they are almost the same age. The cousin asked her about her dating life, and the OP told her everything, including their elopement plans and that she wanted to adopt her fiance’s kids.
Are You Sure?
The cousin told her she was too young to be a stepmom and she would be wasting her time if she married her fiancé. The OP was shocked at her cousin’s rudeness. She told her she loved her fiancé and the stepkids.
The cousin said she could never pretend to love kids that were not hers. The OP told her she was not pretending, and the cousin told her she was a glorified babysitter.
You Will Never Be Their Real Mother
The cousin said watching the kids disrespect the OP by yelling that she was not their real mother would be funny. The OP told her that the kids would be legally hers once the adoption process was complete. The cousin scoffed, and this annoyed the OP.
She reminded the cousin that she was adopted. The cousin told her that a couple adopting a kid is different from a person playing stepmother and adopting kids whose real mother was alive. She told the OP that she would never be their real mother.
Who Are You To Criticize?
The OP angrily told her cousin that she would never be OP’s aunt’s real child, and the cousin started crying. Everyone faulted the OP for bringing up the topic of adoption and told her adopting a baby as a couple was not the same as adopting a partner’s kids.
The OP turned to the Reddit community to find out if she was in the wrong.
The Masses Weigh In
Reddit users had different views regarding this story.
One said that the kids’ mother was still the legal parent, “She hasn’t lost her rights if she’s getting every other weekend. That a standard schedule for the. On-primary custodian in a joint custody situation. If the court hasn’t terminated her visitation then they won’t terminate her rights. Your fiancé is feeding you a fantasy about you being able to adopt them.”
The Biological Mother Is on Board With the Idea
If the mother is okay with the plans, it may work out observed another user, “the mother said she wasn’t fighting for rights again because of the move. I think the mother is thinking very rationally because it would make visitation hard on the kids and she’s totally fine with OP adopting so it works out.”
If the OP was willing to wait until the kids were mature, there was nothing wrong with adopting them according to another user, “The bio mum is on board with the idea, and OP has said the actual adoption won’t happen until the kids are old enough to understand it. That sounds very mature to me.”
The Cousin’s Logic Was Used Against Her
“Your cousin was being rude and judgmental. You used her own logic against her. She shouldn’t have said those things if she didn’t want them said to her,” observed another person.
Another agreed saying, “You simply repeated her ‘logic’ back to her. She didn’t like it. Talk to your mom privately and tell her of her insulting and aggressive behavior. Your immediate family should know and know that you will apologize once she does. You don’t see her at all, no need to change that.”
There Are Conditions for Adoption
A user outlined conditions for adoption, “Generally the state won’t make kids orphans. For one parent’s rights to be severed, another person has to step up and want to adopt them first OR there has to be some extraordinary circumstances like the parent is doing life for murdering one of their other children. What prompted her “losing her rights.”
They Need To Apologize to Each Other
Several users noted that both were in the wrong. One said, “Your cousin had her views but took it too far when you explained that you didn’t think like she did. You took it too far when you said that she isn’t her mom’s real child. You both should be apologizing to each other.”
Another added, “Wow, your cousin sucks, in my opinion. She didn’t even consider the possibility that you actually care about your fiancée and might genuinely care for his kids as well. She went straight to desperation. You suck much less. You probably shouldn’t have said she’s not your aunt’s real child, even if you’re just making a point. Maybe something closer to: “my affection for my fiancée’s children is just as real as your mom’s affection for you” might have been a more gentle way to put it.”
People in Glass Houses Should Not Throw Stones
“For your cousin to say something like that is a bit nervy. As you mentioned, she’s adopted. She should be happy that you are with someone you love and wanting to adopt his children. Some people NEVER want others to be happy. Best of luck to you,” observed one user.
Another thought cousin’s actions of berating the OP yet she was adopted herself was wrong, “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. She kept berating you for wanting to adopt children while she herself was adopted. That’s tells me she either resents her adoptive parents or she only considers infant adoptions as real.”
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.