A Reddit user posted a story about her messy confrontation with her future-in-laws because she insisted that her sister be the maid of honor and walk her down the aisle. They refuse because it is not “traditional” enough for them.
The OP’s fiancé and his family immediately objected to this suggestion. The father-in-law had assumed that since the OP did not have a male relative, he would be the one to take her down the aisle.
The OP attributes everything in her life to her sister. Her sister raised her and took her through college since her mother overdosed when the OP was 10. She is a half-sister who went against her father’s will to become OP’s guardian and sacrificed a lot to raise her.
A Sister’s Love
After the OP got engaged, she wanted to repay her sister’s love by making her the maid of honor and letting her take her down the aisle. Her sister was ecstatic, but her fiancé’s family instantly objected, saying they wanted a traditional wedding and the role of taking the bride down the aisle was a man’s role.
When the conflict became too much, the sister suggested she step down and was okay being the maid of honor, but the OP declined. OP’s mother-in-law told her she should not put her sister before her fiancé.
Sister Is Like a Father
The OP confirmed that the fiancé went to OP’s sister to ask for her hand in marriage and suggestions on what kind of ring to buy.
The OP wanted to know if she was doing wrong by insisting that her sister be her maid of honor and walk her down the aisle or whether she was being too stubborn.
The Masses Weigh In
Reddit users sided with the OP; many had different takes on the story.
‘Traditional’ Is Just a Word To Hide Ignorance
Many people thought that the future-in-laws were using the word ‘traditional’ to hide their ignorance and misogynism.
One user said, “Traditional,” more and more, is becoming the whitewash that ignorant people use to justify their rigid, and often cold-hearted and bigoted, beliefs.”
Another added, “Your fiance and in laws value a pointless, misogynistic tradition more than your feelings. Don’t choose a pointless, misogynistic tradition over your sister.”
The Father-in-Law Could Walk the Groom Down the Aisle
Some people insisted that if the father-in-law was so adamant, he could walk the groom down the aisle instead.
One person suggested, “What if FIL walked the groom down the aisle and stayed with him at the front of the church while the sister walked the OP down the aisle? When everyone is up at the front, the FIL and sister can place the right hand of the bride into the left hand of the groom, signifying a new union.”
“Tell your MIL that your FIL can walk your fiancé down the aisle if he wants to give someone away,” added another person.
You Need To Have a Candid Conversation Before Marriage
According to some users, there is a breakdown of communication between the two. “If you haven’t already done it, you both need to sit down and have a frank talk about how you see the future…This is one of the most important conversations that need to happen before you file the marriage paperwork,” she said.
Fiancé and His Family Are Controlling
The OP was advised to reconsider marrying into a potentially controlling family. One person said, “Don’t marry this guy. He’s misogynistic and controlling. This is the person who is most important to you and he wants to downgrade her status because of her gender? Pause wedding planning and get couples counseling.” And, “You are being told by your soon-to-be family that a male must “give you away” because their idea of traditional gender roles trumps your own family situation/identity.”
Reevaluate if You Want To Marry Into This Family
Several readers urged the OP to reconsider marrying her current fiancé. One told her, “I hate to say it, but you may want to put the wedding on hold, and reevaluate if this is a family you wish to marry into. The “Traditional” roles could start small, but become something you hate.”
While another said, “Also, instead of dealing with you one-on-one regards to this, he pulled in his parents so they could gang up on you. This is the future presenting itself to you. It will always be you against them.”
Never a Priority
One person told the OP that she should know she will never have a priority above the fiancé, “You’re getting a taste of the entitlement and controlling behavior that will become your life if you slip that ring on. Time to reconsider this relationship.”
Another user said, “They’re setting terms: Your in-laws’ wants will always be above yours, you should defer to your (future) husband because he’s a man, your side of the family (your sister) isn’t worth respect & your ideas of family are “wrong.”
Needs to Work on Communication Skills
One user summed up the conflict by urging the OP to find ways to communicate with her fiance, “…him running to his family and them coming after you on his behalf makes me a little hesitant about your current communication and conflict resolution within your relationship. You clearly have an imbalance of family support. I’m worried you are going to be completely crushed under their collective weight.”
Do you think the OP was right in her insisting that her sister be the maid of honor and walk her down the aisle? What do you think would have happened if the OP caved into the future in-law’s pressure? Is there a better way to solve this conflict?
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
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