A woman who fell out with her mother after her mother’s advice posted in the “Am I **hole” group wanting to know whether she was wrong for her actions or if her mother was taking offense for no good reason.
Marriage on the Rocks
The original poster (OP) says her marriage with her husband has been on the rocks due to their financial problems and their four-year-old son’s health issues.
She says they have been spending less time together due to these issues. Besides, they have constantly been fighting over the same thing, and their communication has deteriorated.
With all these marriage issues, she thought asking for her mother’s advice would be a good idea since her mother has been in a successful marriage for 35 years.
You Asked For It; You Got It.
It is important to note that OP’s mother offers OP free childcare. This help allows OP to catch up with chores and other errands.
So, the OP decided to get her mother’s opinion when she went to drop off the kids at their grandmother’s place.
OP says her mother responded quickly, saying it was all OP’s fault that her marriage was on the rocks. Her mother went on to say that OP did not put her husband’s needs first and that her career choice, hobbies, and dressing were also a problem to the marriage.
According to OP, the response came out quickly; it appeared her mother had been waiting for this moment.
Advice From the 1950s
However, what did not sit right with the OP is how her mother completely shifted the blame on her. Besides, she says her mother’s advice came straight from the 50s.
What OP did next is why there is a rift between her and her mother. She laughed out loud at her mother’s advice for “like a minute or so.”
When her mother asked what she was laughing at, OP called her crazy for putting all the blame on her. She told her mother that the advice was “outdated stereotypes.”
Before OP knew it, her mother threw her and her kids out while screaming and cussing at her.
OP says it has been four days, and her mother has not responded to her calls and messages. OP has also learned that the mum has “banned” her father from answering OP’s calls and messages.
Besides, her siblings say her mother won’t discuss their fight.
The OP says she has been thinking of apologizing, but she is not about to lie to her mother for the sake of restoring her relationship.
When she went to her mother for advice, her goal was to improve her rocky marriage. However, it looks like she made it even worse now that her husband is mad at her for forfeiting the free childcare they received from OP’s mother.
Redditors’ Take on This
You have got to like a post that divides Redditors. It just feels different to see things from different perspectives.
One Redditor commented, “ESH (everyone sucks here). You asked for advice. And I don’t believe for a second that at 29 and as a married parent, you already didn’t have a pretty good idea of your mom’s beliefs.”
Another one said, “NTA – Your mom finally revealed that she hates who you chose to be as an adult. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you shouldn’t keep people who hate you in your life. Good luck”
Another, who thought neither the OP nor her mother was in the wrong, commented, “Well, obviously, don’t laugh at the person providing you with free childcare. Lesson learned. Mostly NAH (No ***hole here) since all this boils down to different world views. Looks like you need a babysitter and a marriage counselor, though.”
Another commenter who thought the OP was on the wrong side said, “YTA (You’re the a*****). She didn’t just start saying this unprovoked because you asked her for advice first. The FAFO blade cuts in all directions.”
And lastly, “YTA. You asked for advice. If you disagree with it, do so politely.”
So what do you think? Is the OP wrong for laughing off the advice? Could she have brushed it off more politely? Did the mother go overboard with the advice?
Read the original post here.
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
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Robyn Goldfarb
Hi! I am a millennial mom with a passion for personal finance. I have always been “into” personal finance but got inspired to start my blog after a period of extended unemployment. That experience really changed the way I viewed my relationship with money and the importance of accessible personal finance education.