Would you get into your host’s kitchen to cook and serve people to make a great first impression? Is cooking and serving people the only way to make a good first impression? OP’s girlfriend was in disagreement, and it didn’t seem to work well for her.
Serve Us To Impress Us
OP’s big family is incredibly close. They meet once every few months for family dinners at their great-grandfather’s estate. This time, OP wanted to bring her girlfriend along, but she won’t budge to the sexist traditions that needed her to serve people.
During the family dinners, women get in the kitchen to cook while men sit and relax. OP says he understands this tradition is sexist but does not say anything about it. He adds that he is the youngest in the family, so nobody would listen to his protests.
There is only one category of women that are gracefully exempted from cooking; wives and girlfriends that have been in the family for a long time. The rest of the women who choose not to cook are looked down upon. He says newer partners who chose not to cook were treated rudely, and some family members refused to talk to them.
New partners do the cooking to make a great first impression. Partners who have been in the family for a long time have already made a great impression and have nothing more to prove.
Count Me Out of Your Sexist Tradition
So the family dinner will be in two weeks, and OP’s girlfriend was asked if she would attend, to which she agreed. OP was glad because he wanted her to meet his family.
He took that opportunity to explain the tradition to his girlfriend, who was visibly bothered. OP told her he understood why she was bothered, but she just had to play along. He insisted it was best for everyone if his girlfriend bowed to the sexist tradition to create an excellent first impression. If OP’s girlfriend refused to cook, she would be poorly treated by the rest of the family.
OP’s girlfriend took her stand and said if she had to cook, she would not go. He has been trying to find a compromise with her, but she won’t budge. She thinks that OP is just as bad as the people forcing the tradition on the people.
Is OP wrong for insisting that his girlfriend needs to make a great first impression?
Redditors Weigh In
The subreddit members unanimously agreed that OP was the ***hole for pushing her girlfriend to participate in their sexist tradition.
One commenter said, “YTA. “Why won’t my gf abandon her sense of self-respect to establish herself as a subservient woman-tool so that my sexist family won’t mentally and verbally abuse her?! She just doesn’t get it!!”
You Have A Say
OP noted that since he was the youngest, his protests would not be heard, so he never bothered to voice them anyway. One commenter called him out for this, saying, “My protests are meaningless, my **s. Do you know what OP could do? March into the kitchen himself and help! And if they tell him to go back, insist on helping! Break the barrier himself and implicitly shame the other men who haven’t! That’s how a similar horrible dynamic broke out in my family. As a kid, I noticed only the women prepped food and cleaned up, so I challenged my brother and father to help. These ‘traditions’ aren’t set in stone.”
He was not protesting, not because he was the youngest but because he was on the privileged side.
The Family Needs To Make a Good First Impression Too
One user said, “YTA. What about your family making a good first impression on HER and not expecting her to be an unpaid cook and servant?”
Another one in agreement said, “My thoughts exactly. OP is so concerned about the impression his gf will make with his family, but they’ve immediately made a bad impression on her. Why on earth would she want anything to do with his family now.”
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.