Birthdays are 1 out of 365 days, so they are unique. It matters more to people who have been having hard days or weeks or struggle with depression, loneliness, and other similar dilemmas. It is the one day one gets to feel genuine love from everyone around them. Though some people may not fancy celebrating birthdays or understand the hype, it is a big deal to others.
They have probably been looking forward to it all year and want it to be as perfect as possible. Being such a special day in a person’s life, one may attach different sentiments to it that even others celebrating with them may not understand. However, it is not for them to understand but to respect. While growing up, birthdays were the days to get away with anything, the days we got anything we wanted.
In this story, it seems OP doesn’t understand that whatever matters to the celebrant is the law.
OP has four kids, aged 23, 20, 16, and 13. But this story concerns her oldest child, whom she anonymously called Zara.
They rarely throw big parties in their family after they turn 10, except for the 18th and 21st birthdays. Gotta respect the golden age of 18. They made an exception for Zara because she has been going through a difficult time lately.
It’s sweet that they thought to throw her a party. Young people within her age range suffer through so many mental burdens. The surprise party has already taken place. OP is sharing this story because although she had good intentions, something happened at the party that rained on her efforts.
The Cake Meltdown
It was a big family party, and Zara was enjoying it. It sounds like the getaway from reality she needed. But when they brought out, and that’s when things got complicated.
She has a lot of young nieces and nephews, so naturally, they wanted to be around Zara, the birthday girl, and Zara was cool with this. When it was time to blow out the candles, her 5-year-old niece blew out most of them before she could. And that’s when they took out Zara’s flame – I imagine she must have felt bad, but everyone laughed it off.
Her youngest child put 23 candles on the cake, so there were still a few lit, so she told Zara to blow those out. But where’s the fun in blowing out only a few? Zara was probably looking forward to blowing out ALL the candles and making wishes.
Zara blew out the remaining candles on the cake but looked angry and started crying afterward. She then walked away from the party.
After the showdown, it became awkward, and her sister (the niece’s mom) got upset and embarrassed. Her daughter is a kid, and she didn’t mean to upset her – that anyone would understand. But no one seemed to think it was a big deal that the celebrant didn’t get to blow out her candles when it obviously meant a lot to her.
They didn’t think Zara would act that way. They tried to calm her down, telling her it wasn’t their fault.
Apparently, since trying to calm her down didn’t work, OP became more aggressive. She called her a selfish brat for making such a scene. She didn’t understand how she was 23 and getting mad about birthday candles – but last I checked, even the oldest people make “dying wishes.”
OP’s other kids tell her she mistreated Zara, but she’s unsure how to feel. So, she needs some general opinion on the case.
OP Blew Off Her Feelings
Everyone thinks OP messed up by reacting that way to her daughter. It was her birthday party, and she sabotaged her reasonable effort by not being kind and understanding enough. All she had to do was show some empathy – it was a piece of cake.
u/nonurteil shed some light on how OP’s actions were wrong:
“YTA big time! If she’s going through something, she probably wasn’t crying just because some candles were blown out. My guess is that she is just vulnerable and on edge lately and things upset her easily. On top of that, I believe a caring mother should just ask her kid what’s wrong and try to comfort them, especially when they are crying, not call them a brat ON THEIR OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY. ‘Omg we will celebrate her birthday but if something goes wrong, I will call her a brat.’”
True that. If Zara has been going through difficult times, then there’s a high chance it made her extra vulnerable.
Someone else said, “YTA.
Your daughter has been having a tough time, and this was her birthday, your bratty niece ruined a special moment for her.
Maybe that birthday wish was important to her, maybe she felt like absolutely nothing goes right for her. A little empathy from you would’ve gone further than the bad judgmental attitude you decided to go with.”
I’d put my money on the opinion that Zara thought nothing was going right for her lately. Her mother just added another disastrous scenario to the endless catalog in her head.
OP needs to realize she is wrong, talk to her daughter, and be there for her. Sometimes, a struggling person doesn’t need big gestures to feel better. The little everyday things could make them feel loved and looked after. What do you think?
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