A Reddit user shares her story of having to refuse to take her grieving sister-in-law on a romantic getaway meant for her and her husband.
The original poster (OP) explains that she has been friends with her sister-in-law since they were six. OP’s best friend married her brother, and they were together for five years.
Two years ago, he passed away in an accident and left behind a lot of debt for his wife. She was eight months pregnant and eventually moved in with OP’s parents.
She and her daughter still live with OP’s parents, and they watch her child so she can finish school. For Christmas, OP’s husband got them an all-inclusive trip to Paris for a romantic getaway. France has always been on OP’s wishlist, and she was very grateful for such a wonderful gift. They will be leaving for two weeks in February.
An Uncomfortable Situation
OP called and told her parents about the gift, and her parents told her friend. Her friend called her crying and begged OP to take her instead of her husband on the trip. She claimed that she will never be able to experience a romantic getaway like that now that her husband is dead, and that OP and her husband could just go another time.
She also said she gave up everything to raise her daughter, and wants to have a girls trip like they did when they were younger.
OP told her friend no, that it was a gift from her husband and she fully expected to have a romantic getaway with him. Her friend told OP that she was punishing her for being a widow and that it was unfair that she would get to have a “love affair” in Paris while she cried at OP’s brother’s grave.
OP’s husband thinks her friend is trying to make her feel guilty. He did say he would not go if she wants to take her friend.
OP said that she wants to take her husband, but her parents called shortly after and said they would watch her friend’s child, and that OP shouldn’t rub her “happy marriage” in her friend’s face. Her mom told her that she would be selfish if she left a “grieving widow” over Valentine’s Day.
The Masses Weigh In
Reddit users were quick to criticize OP’s friend for her entitlement.
“That’s such an unreasonable request and frankly if that’s the way she feels, she should be going for therapy. You’re not throwing your marriage in her face, you’re celebrating your marriage between you and your husband,” one user said.
Another user added to the first comment. “Moreover your parents are the ones who told Brittany about the trip, not you. So how can they say you are rubbing it in her face .. Take a weekend with her to the spa if you want to but do not compromise about your Christmas gift. And tbh the fact she said you are punishing her for being a widow by going to Paris with your husband makes me think she is highly manipulative and/or she needs therapy rather than a trip. So perhaps you and your parents could pay for a therapy if you can aford it.”
Another user did a good job of putting the whole thing into perspective:
“OMG what is wrong with the people around you?? if you and your husband were just dating now, and he gave you a ring and proposed to you, would she expect to be the one he married? Because after all, she doesn’t have a husband anymore.
I understand how difficult it has been for her. It’s a very sad story. But you guys are doing all you can to help her. I can’t even believe she would ask you to do that. I think she’s wallowing in self-pity a little too much or maybe she’s just not thinking clearly . But it was a ridiculous request and there’s no way you should honor it.
Your parents should also know better. I don’t understand what they’re thinking! A trip to Paris is not cheap. It’s not like you’re going to the local beach and you can afford to go there next year too.
It was a gift from your husband to you. Go with your husband and tell the rest of them that you should try to save for another trip and then you and her can go together maybe next year.
yes, she lost her husband but you lost your brother. i’m sure you could use a little happiness in your life as well. Go to Paris. do not feel guilty. Enjoy the hell out of yourselves. The rest of them will get over it. If not, they’re not very good friends/family.”
Was OP right to refuse to take her sister-in-law on the trip? Was it a reasonable request to begin with? How would you have reacted in this situation?
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.