A woman shared a story about how she got into a fight with her husband because she didn’t ask for his card to go grocery shopping. She has no money unless he gives her some, so she can’t go shopping.
It Started With an Overdrawn Account
The OP is a stay-at-home parent with no income source. Previously, she had a full-time job and used to put money into a joint account with her husband.
When she became a stay-at-home parent, her husband opened a personal account and started depositing his paycheck into his personal account instead of the joint account. He transfers money from this account to the joint account for utilities. On this day, the joint account was overdrawn.
Grocery Shopping
FreeProd via DepositPhotos.com.
After dropping her daughter off for a quick class, the OP wanted to go grocery shopping. Her husband was busy on a call with a client, and she could not interrupt him. She looked for the debit card but could not find it. Since her daughter was going to be late, she had to leave without the card.
Later she confronted her husband, asking him why he hadn’t made the transfer to the joint account so that she could access money for grocery shopping.
Making Excuses
The OP’s husband told her that she was making excuses and did not try hard enough to get his attention while he was doing his demonstration for his client.
The OP wants to know if she is in the wrong for being annoyed at her husband for his delay in transferring money to their joint account and whether she was wrong to confront him about it.
All Income Is Joint Income
One user pointed out that all income was joint income for parents staying at home, “If you are SAHM, all income is joint income, and him putting his paycheck into individual account is 100% unacceptable.”
Another user thought it was strange that her husband set up a personal account after she became a stay-at-home parent, “As a SAHM, the money is just as much as yours and your husband’s. You needed to do shopping for the family, and he was busy at the moment… Don’t you think it’s very strange that your husband has his OWN private account just after you left the workforce?”
Something Fishy Is Going On
Several users noted that something was not right about OP and her husband’s financial arrangement. “This situation doesn’t sound healthy. As soon as you became a SAHM he open his own account? It sounds like he’s hiding money,” one user said.
Another user added to this, saying, “It’s one thing if you both worked and had separate accounts + a joint one (like my parents). But since you are a SAHM, him having a private account seems fishy.”
Huge Red Flag
Others urged the OP to see this as a red flag in her marriage. “This is a huge red flag. It’s borderline financial abuse, especially now that he’s blaming you for getting stuck when he didn’t ration out enough into your joint account for you to actually live with,” said one user.
Another user said that the red flag could be detected when the husband allowed the joint account to be overdrawn, “…a massive red flag is he stopped deposits into your joint account, he allows it to get over drawn and on top of all that he doesn’t give you free access to the actual account that has money?”
His Actions Border on Financial Abuse
The husband’s action of not allowing the OP access to the money could be financial abuse; as one user noted, “This is financial abuse, not to mention his gaslighting you about how you asked him. He’s controlling you by not allowing you access to the money. I’m guessing he’s isolated you from your family and cut out all of your friends as well.”
Marriage Is a Partnership
One person noted that every partner has something to bring to the marriage, which may not necessarily be money, “Marriage is a partnership. Even if he’s the one bringing in the income, it’s not only his money. It doesn’t work that way, especially when you have children. Your labor and contributions to the home and to the upbringing of the child are just as equal and important as his ability to earn money.”
Does Not Trust Her With Money
One user wanted to know more about how the OP entered this predicament. The user noted that maybe the husband did not trust the OP with money because of her spending habits, “… your husband can’t trust you, why? Is he a jerk? are you a wasteful spender?”
Another user advised the OP to sit down and have a conversation about finances with her husband, “It sounds like the two of you need to have a talk about finances because ultimately this isn’t going to work long term.”
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
A Dime Saved
Hi! I am a millennial mom with a passion for personal finance. I have always been “into” personal finance but got inspired to start my blog after a period of extended unemployment. That experience really changed the way I viewed my relationship with money and the importance of accessible personal finance education.