A relationship can be one of the most beautiful experiences one can have. One of the attributes that makes it so blissful is when one’s partner makes an effort.
Effort in a relationship is more than physical or material things. It involves the two people in the relationship paying attention to each other’s needs, being present, and doing what they need to do to keep the relationship going.
On the other hand, the lack of effort can cause strain in the relationship. In this story, a woman’s friend seems to have found herself in a relationship with little effort.
How It Started
For the sake of this story, we’ll call this woman Chelsea and her friend, Sabrina. Sabrina started a relationship with a man about a year ago, but it was a miserable one.
Before Sabrina started dating the man in question, he had plans to move across the country. Her soon-to-be boyfriend moving to a different location meant that by the time they started dating, it would be a long-distance relationship. You should know that he wasn’t a fan of that, so, the odds of that working out were slim.
Frustration
The relationship had started, but he wasn’t entirely a part of it. Long-distance relationships can be tough to deal with. He was distant and cold, and whenever Sabrina tried to talk to him about it, he would manipulate her to stay and return to being distant after a while.
Finally, Sabrina broke down. There’s only so much one can take. She got so confused about everything and became depressed because of the relationship. Chelsea and her other friends tried to help and be there for her. Finally, she broke up with him and moved on with her life.
Once Beaten, Twice Shy
Four months later, Sabrina is somehow back into a relationship with her ex. But he is now ready to move to a new country. Sabrina believes that he is a better person and wants to give LDR a try.
But Chelsea is not convinced. Neither are any of Sabrina’s friends, but no one wants to be the bad guy. Chelsea saw a chance to tell Sabrina what she thought about her boyfriend when she asked her what her opinion was about the new relationship.
Chelsea did not hold back. She said,
“He didn’t change in four months; he’s using her as a time filler, the long-distance relationship might work for a while, but it won’t last, and then she will lose her mind again, and they (Chelsea and her other friends) would have to go through the heartbreak phase.”
Sabrina is now annoyed and thinks that her friends aren’t supportive. Chelsea or the other friends haven’t heard from her since that exchange. Now, Chelsea feels that maybe she didn’t handle it well.
Sometimes, all we want is to be a good friend. But there’s no telling how one might get it wrong.
A True Friend
Most people believe that Chelsea is a good friend, one who tells her friend the truth and is honest. That can be hard to find sometimes, but Sabrina didn’t see it that way.
It turns out another person isn’t on Chelsea’s side, too. They think that both Chelsea and Sabrina are at fault:
“ESH. She shouldn’t have asked and then annoyed, and you shouldn’t have given your opinion. Or if you wanted to, it should have ended at ‘I’m worried about you guys given what happened in the past, but am hopeful that it turns out ok.’ You just went way too deep.”
The Full Picture
In conclusion, they said something worth noting:
“I think one of the most important things to remember as a friend is that you rarely, if ever, have the full picture of another’s relationship. You have the relationship through her eyes, and likely the worst parts of it, as very few of us go to friends to talk about the good parts of a relationship.”
The question of whether Chelsea was wrong to tell Sabrina what she honestly thought is subject to perspective. On the one hand, she was being honest to a friend she was worried about and thought was making a wrong decision.
On the other hand, she may have been too harsh. Friendships are fragile and should be handled with care. How would you have handled the situation?
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A Dime Saved
Hi! I am a millennial mom with a passion for personal finance. I have always been “into” personal finance but got inspired to start my blog after a period of extended unemployment. That experience really changed the way I viewed my relationship with money and the importance of accessible personal finance education.