The original poster promised to sponsor her daughter’s wedding because, to him, a wedding is a family event. He did not want the daughter to face the burden of catering for everything when everyone would be coming together to celebrate.
Her daughter, however, decided to elope and is now back, asking for the money to use on her honeymoon. OP turned her down. Is her daughter entitled, or should he give her the money?
“A Fancy Wedding Does Not Suit Me…”
OP has a daughter called Jane, who has been with her partner for five years. When Jane and her partner got engaged, OP and his wife were excited and started bringing up the idea of planning a wedding.
However, Jane told her parents that she was not in a rush to set a wedding date and wanted to take things slow with her partner.
Then She Elopes
OP and his wife understandingly backed down and decided to let Jane take things at her own pace. They, however, offered to sponsor Jane’s wedding when she was ready.
Then, one day Jane comes home and announces that they eloped with her partner. She said they did that because she wanted to avoid a big event that would have a lot of attention on them. OP says he was disappointed but still understood because that was who Jane was; she did not like being in the spotlight.
Finance My Honeymoon Instead
He insists he has no problem with her daughter deciding to elope. He, however, had a problem with Jane still asking for the money OP promised to give for the wedding. Jane wanted to use that money for a month’s sabbatical/honeymoon.
OP and his wife turned Jane down and told her the money was supposed to organize a family event, which Jane decided against. They clarified that they would not give her money to do as she pleases.
Now She’s Upset
Now Jane is furious, saying that her parents went back on their word to sponsor her marriage ceremony.
OP has maintained that he would not give her daughter money for vacation. He, however, has offered to sponsor a family event if Jane decides to hold a second ceremony to allow the families to have a get-together and celebrate them.
OP adds that he would have considered giving Jane money if she had asked before eloping.
Is OP wrong for refusing to give her daughter money for her honeymoon?
Redditors Weigh In
For starters, OP is a pretty chill parent. I know many parents would be mad at their children for eloping. OP has clarified that he has no problem with her daughter’s choice. His only issue is the money he had promised to give her for the wedding.
Here is what Redditors had to say.
“NTA. Your expectations and conditions are entirely reasonable. It was unreasonable for her to assume that she could take the “cash option” here,” One commenter said.
Your Daughters Entitled
Another commenter thought OP was not the ***hole here, but his daughter was. They said, “OP has a rational and fair stance. A wedding is a social event that often serves as a bit of a family reunion. OP offered money for a group party that benefits the overall family – not a vacation for only two people. The daughter is not an AH for eloping, but she is for excluding her family but still expecting the money.”
And finally, “NTA. You and your wife offering to contribute toward wedding expenses in no way means your daughter is entitled to that money if a wedding does not occur. That’s just entitlement on your daughter’s end.”
The Wedding Is the Couples Day
Scrolling down the comments, I saw a huge debate coming up. OP had offered to foot the wedding costs because a wedding is a family event to him. Many other people differed vehemently with him, saying that a wedding was strictly the couple’s day.
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This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.