The family of the original poster (OP) had a tradition of going on trips on the kids’ 10th birthdays.
OP’s parents had done it for the whole family and now wanted to continue doing it for their grandchildren. But this time, everything’s not as smooth; OP’s sister-in-law has been creating havoc, leaving OP feeling guilty about it.
OP posted in the AITA subreddit asking for people’s opinions.
We Will Carry On Our Family’s Culture
So, OP has two children, Sadie and Jamie. Sadie would turn 10 in a few months, so her grandparents said they would take her and her brother Jamie to Disney.
OP and her husband, Sam, decided to tag along, but they would pay for their costs; the grandparents will only pay for Jamie and Sadie, the birthday girl.
OP and her husband began saving to join and make it a family thing.
Everything was going well until Emma, OP’s sister-in-law (Sam’s sister), found out.
Emma wants her ten-year-old daughter Avery to tag along on the trip. OP has firmly told Emma they cannot just tag along with Avery due to the costs involved.
Emma is a single mum, and the child’s dad is not in the picture. OP and her husband have constantly stepped in to pay for Emma’s groceries, school supplies, babysitting, and sports teams. In short, they already offer so much help to keep Emma and Avery on their feet. However, Emma seems not to understand that Avery cannot just have the same exact experiences as Sadie and Jamie; the two families are in different financial brackets. For instance, when Avery turned 10, they did not have a big party; it is just not a basic need, especially if you have no funds. For this reason, her mother thinks she is entitled to go to Disney since OP’s children are going.
It Takes a Village To Raise a Child
It is ridiculous that Emma wants OP’s parents to pay for Avery, yet they are unrelated. She insists that since OP and Sam were saving up to go, they could also include Avery in the budget. She constantly pulls the it-takes-a-village-to-raise-a-child card guilt-trip OP takes a village.
Even more ridiculous, she has not suggested catering for one of the costs, such as the hotel, plane ticket or park pass. All she wants is for someone else to bear all the costs. OP says she offered to take care of Avery during the trip if Emma paid for it, but she said she couldn’t afford it.
OP feels guilty because Avery will not have the same experience as her kids.
But this was not the end; Emma had given Avery a different perspective of the entire thing. OP’s daughter, Sadie, had talked to Avery, and she was already saying how much she hates OP because OP ruined their Disney trip. It is clear Emma told Avery she would be going on the trip, but when OP took a firm stance, Emma had to tell Avery how OP had ruined things for them.
Sam and OP want to stand their ground and not pay but also maintain a good relationship with Emma and Avery. What should they do?
The Masses Weigh In
OP has been guilty of refusing to “tag” along with her niece on vacation. Will she be the ***hole for standing her ground?
One commenter said, “NTA. “It takes a village” means loving & supporting, not taking every vacation together. The best you can do with a family member who talks behind your back is take the high road, especially in communicating with the kiddo.”
Another added, “NTA. This is exactly the problem when you do too much for someone… they often become spoiled and entitled. Instead of gratitude, it’s grabbing. Instead of appreciation, it’s expectation. Emma has trampled over your boundaries and is not a rational person. I’d stop with ALL the financial help until she wakes up and starts appreciating it.”
And finally, “OP text her, “Since it’s clear that you don’t feel the help we give you matters, we are withdrawing all financial support. You shouldn’t miss it as we have never been part of your village, and since you dislike us enough to trash us to your child.” Don’t engage further about it after that point.”
What do you think about Emma’s entitlement? What should OP do moving forward?
This article was produced and syndicated by A Dime Saved.
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